It was Friday 11:50 pm and I was sharing mutual excitement and beer with a big, big mustache. While I was listening to the big mustaches’ adventures in Australia, I was waiting anxiously for my friend to arrive. Meanwhile I was also wondering what other people would think of me, a pale uninteresting girl, waiting for her friend from Turkey.
Oh well, for the next week I was going to have to wear the image of a pathetic girl and her loverboy. It was only a week, I could deal with that! When my friend finally arrived our adventure could begin. I, who could not even get by in my hometown, was going to be a tour guide. Not surprisingly I was not the only one learning about my country. Here are the things I learned from my foreign friend about my country.
1. Whenever you see a place that sells stroopwafels the logical reaction is to buy as many as you possibly can, eat them all at once, get nauseous, recover and repeat. Whenever you walk in a place where these waffle vendors are more than 100 meters apart from each other Kroketten can be a great alternative.
2. Weed is more expensive in Amsterdam than anywhere else.
3. Next time I’m stuck in a traffic jam for half an hour I should not complain. Our traffic jams are annoying, but comparable to normal traffic in Istanbul, where one can be stuck in traffic for up to six hours.
4. Windmills are super exciting, Rotterdam has fascinating buildings but lacks older architecture and Dutch houses are ugly as fuck!
5. Dutch girls have big boobs and are really pretty. Except for the ones that work in the Amsterdam Red Light district, they’re unattractive.. or well.. ‘maybe they should be looked at secretly. These people are sick.. How can they be so open about sex? I wonder how much they are? Hey, I wasn’t looking or anything(or was I?)’
6. Even though beer is expensive, we have awesome parties! Dutch people are so much fun when they’re drunk. Time for another joint! Flying hiiiigh!
7. Pancakes are amazing here!
8. It’s a bridge, but it opens.. Wow, that is amazing. They just close it off and lift the entire bridge so a boat can pass. How is that possible? Is it magic? Then there are these cool thingies where a boat sails into a closed off area, and they raise or lower the water level so the boat can pass through. Dutch people are like water magicians!
9. Awesome cheese, awesome mayonnaise, fake Turkish food and too much bread!
10. Trains are actually not as bad as we Dutch people think they are. While we complain about trains being 10 minutes late, other complain about trains with hours of delay!
So, that pretty much described my week of homeland tourism. I was kind of scared to be a bad guide, but when he left for the airport, slightly intoxicated, my guest thanked me for having one of the best times of his life. Mission accomplished, yay! It really surprised me to find out how much fun Holland actually is. I should be a tourist in my own country more often!